Oh!
Ahhhh!
♪
Ahhhh!
♪
Counterfeit Cat!
So there I was, knowing that victory meant summoning...
every bit of strength in my body and soul.
And, soon, victory was mine.
And that, my friends, is how I, Ranceford, became the face
for Dainty Pause cat nibbles.
Oh, please, "Rancid"!
You won a kitty-prancing contest!
And I suppose you've done better, Max.
If being an international singing star adored by millions
is better, then yes! Right, Gark?
Uh, I don't know that I'd put it exactly like...
Like all great stories,
it began with a disgusting accident.
It was last Friday.
I was doing my rigorous daily exercises.
Can I try?
Ahh!
Ooh!
Hang on!
I'll save you.
Get it off me!
Bin juice!
Ugh!
What's that smell?
Bin juice!
In an instant, I'd gone from beauty to beast -
which is not the right direction, by the way.
My life was over - or so I thought.
Gark! You're stuck!
I'm stuck!
Oh, how cute!
A singing two-headed cat!
Did you see how that person looked at us?
I'm finally getting the attention I've always deserved!
Well, we do sound pretty good together.
Let's sing some more!
Yeah! And get more attention!
We were raw, unpolished, but we had something -
something that would change my life!
Wait.
Why are there more Bettys?
I'm telling a story.
Go with it!
Okay!
This is the greatest thing ever!
Hanging out with my best friend, making beautiful music,
and everyone looking like Betty!
This is so you can see how cute you are.
And, later, when you've had a messy, acrimonious split,
it will be a bittersweet reminder of the innocent days.
Ha! Like that would ever happen!
Yeah.
Nothing will ever come between us.
Yes...
everything was perfect.
And would stay perfect.
Gark...
But I like a happy story!
Then, one day, Dame Fortune came calling.
Oh! This sounds happy!
I hear you two cats are dynamite, baby!
I want to be in business with you!
Gark, hear that? We're going to be famous!
Well, as long as we get to sing together,
that's all that matters.
That and being celebrities!
A litter box in the limo!
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome...
Cat-A-Tonic!
As time went on, our music developed.
We were on our way!
Everybody loved us!
Yay! Everybody loved us! The end!
Not the end!
We were on the cover of music magazines,
the spokescats for the latest Italian cars!
We were popular!
Everyone wanted to be in the Cat-A-Tonic business.
Here they are, Gark.
Our new album?
No, much more exciting:
Cat-A-Tonic trading cards!
Collect all two!
And check this out:
we're now an official flavor of gum!
Flavor to the max!
Hey, you know what we haven't done in a long time?
Go hang out in the sun!
You want to do that?
Sure!
I mean, not now.
Cat-A-Tonic canned meat!
We have arrived!
Ah, a dramatic sigh.
This is the part where I'm getting disillusioned.
That's right, Gark.
We weren't really singers anymore.
We were a brand.
We were Cat-A-Tonic.
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight, the Cat-A-Tonic
Potted Meat Pavilion, in association with
the Cat-A-Tonic Racing Team present...
Cat-A-Tonic!
Max, what are you doing?
They want us to sing!
Contractual obligations, baby! Mmm!
♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow! Meow! ♪
Aw. Meow.
Max...?
Oh, sorry, Gark.
I'm exhausted after that show.
Well, that's okay, because you remember how
we're going on holiday?
Um...
That spa? For disillusioned musical cat duos?
Um...
You don't even remember.
Um...
Yo, cats! Bet-EZ has big news!
I got you a gig at the Mega Enormo-Dome this Saturday!
Yes! Yes!
No!
We have plans to hang out, just us, at a spa!
No, Gark.
Just Cat-A-Tonic at the Enormo gig!
Don't do this, Max.
Our friendship clearly means nothing.
If that's how you feel, maybe we're just better off apart.
Hmm!
Maybe I was just tired,
aybe it was the toxic fumes from the bin juice,
maybe something inside me just died...
or maybe it was the untimely arrival of the Cat-A-Tonic
supersonic electric razors...
but I did something that would forever change my life.
Max!
I...
Tell me you didn't just do that.
Gark? Not a loss.
I've been carrying him all along!
I mean, literally.
Yeah. Well, how to say this? Um...
I quit!
You guys were special, and now you're just a cat!
Just a cat?! Look around you, baby.
Cat-A-Tonic boutiques, the Cat-A-Tonic freeway...
Meow-meow, meow-meow.
Oh, wait, hang on! What's that?
You want to call it Cat-A-Tonic Earth?
I like that! Trademark it!
Yeah, okay.
Well, if you'll excuse me,
I've got to catch a ride back to sanityville.
By the way... you're going to need a wig!
I've got wigs!
Go ahead! Leave!
I don't need anybody!
Anybody! Anybody! Anybody!
Ooh! Cat-A-Tonic echo machine!
"You can't go home again."
I don't know what it means, because all you need is a map.
Anyway, Gark looked for a new friend...
while I enjoyed being a solo act.
Hey! Why is my bling all blang?
How am I supposed to wear this...
thing?!
Hey, you! Where's my lunch?
I want trout poached in liquid gold!
Dude, you fired everyone that works for you!
I'm just the janitor.
And you didn't stop me, hmm?
You're fired!
Okay.
Agh!
Okay, let's see how well you harmonize!
More disturbing news from the music world today,
as the remaining member of Cat-A-Tonic was seen
wandering down a city street.
I am Mega-Max!
Free Mega-Max cards for all!
Collect all one!
Here you go.
Take it!
Take me to your heart, kids!
Who wants to see me do the thing what I done?
Oh, Max.
How you've changed!
Mega-Max! Mega-Max! Mega-Max! Mega-Max!
Yeah, yeah. Pfft.
I'm coming!
Hi, Ma... Mega-Max.
Gark?
I didn't expect to see you here.
I just wanted to wish you well on the show and...
and give you this.
I remember that.
Terrible song.
Yeah.
But it was us.
What happened to "us", Gark?
Well, you got carried away with being a product
instead of a singing duo, and then you shaved us apart.
Uh, about that... I... Maybe... if...
Apology accepted, old friend.
It's no fun without you, Gark.
Hey! I got an idea!
Let's make this a reunion concert!
I was hoping you'd say that,
because I bought a little surprise!
Ladies and gentlemen, playing together for the first time
in one and a half days...
Cat-A-Tonic!
Thank you!
Yes, it is us!
Hey... You're just two cats!
Yeah! But, tonight, we take you back to our roots
to show you how it all began!
Ugh. What is that? Ugh, bin juice!
It stinks! Come on, Hank. Let's go! Get it off!
Let's get out of here! Worst experience of my life!
That was Cat-A-Tonic.
Is there a moral to this story?
I mean, I was entertained,
but I feel like I need to learn something.
Really? Okay.
Um, the moral is...
never turn your back on your friends!
What if they're glued to your back?
What if I glue your mouth shut?
Now can I tell a story?
No. Your stories are boring.
Max...
Oh, alright!
But make it about me.
♪
Suspect is armed, wheeled, and dangerous.
Over.
Copy that.
And copy everything else you're doing!
♪
Don't touch Charles Anthony.
He's mine. And he's special.
But I want to play.
Let's come up with a compromise.
I'll play with Charles Anthony, and you can watch
with awe and wonder on your face!
That sounds fair.
How's this?
♪
That's getting kind of distracting.
Please can I play with Charles Anthony?
Okay... but only as a tee.
Wow! A tee?
I've always wanted to be a tee!
What's a tee?
Charles Anthony is a cool name.
Yes. All cat toys have two first names,
like George Mikhail and Elton Johan.
Hey-hey!
Whooooa!
Noooo!
There goes another one!
Charles Anthony, lost forever!
But he must be under the couch somewhere!
No. Once a cat toy has gone under the sofa,
you never get it back.
But things can't just disappear.
Unless...
Ooh.
See you next week, boys.
It's completely clean!
No dust, no cat toys, nothing!
What's this squiggly hair thing?
Oh, that's why!
There's a rip in space-time under the sofa!
Don't be so ridicu...
Ahh!
Wow.
So this is where all the cat toys go!
Ah, yes!
It's definitely a rip in the space-time sofa continuum.
Hmm! This place is great!
Look!
The cat toys!
Woohoo!
They're alive!
Hello.
My name is Barry Gary... Wheeeee!
Woohoo!
Hey-hey!
This is the best fun ever!
Yeah...
I'm a bit bored, actually.
As I was saying, it is utterly forbidden
for another cat...
None of these are as good as Charles Anthony.
Not even this one.
Hi. I'm Anthony Charles, and you really should listen...
Charles Anthony was the best!
Did you say, "Charles Anthony"?
Do you know him? Have you seen him?!
Gark! I was talking to that one!
Sirs! Charles Anthony is the...
Gark!
Charles Anthony is the chosen toy of the Cat-Toy God.
Look, Gark! He's holding Charles Anthony!
We have to rescue him from the Cat-Toy God.
Come on.
His house is just over there.
♪
Ah ah ah! It is forbidden for anyone else to play with
any of the cat toys of this land.
Oh, give him a break.
Gark never gets to play with cat toys at home.
Finally!
Whoa. Sorry.
Excuse me. Sorry.
Whoops. Oh, sorry. Pardon.
This is as far as I go, my friend.
Fall down at the paws of the Cat-Toy God as he...
Whoa! Sorry. Sorry!
♪
Charles Anthony!
Wow.
You have really let yourself go
since they painted those posters.
Who dares approach the majestic, almighty cat?
Squeak!
Go away, you!
All these toys... are mine...
and you can't play with them!
But Charles Anthony is mine!
Hi, Max!
Great to see y... Eww!
You can't have him now...
because I've gone and marked him...
with my royal spit.
Now begone!
But Charles Anthony belongs to me!
Oof.
♪
Charles Anthony is mine!
Oooh...
Now you've done it!
Smite him mercilessly, O merciful one!
Wow. He just ran off crying.
What kind of a cat-toy god is that, hmm?
How could we blindly follow someone so easily?
Hey, let's worship this guy instead!
Here, take the Sceptre of Destiny.
Bow down before...
What's your name?
His name's Max.
Bow down before... Max!
I'm the new cat-toy god!
Okay!
Look at all the cat toys I've got to play with!
You mean "we've got to play with".
Oh, Gark.
Hmph!
It's not fair.
Even Charles Anthony gets his own toys.
All I get is this manky thing.
No offense, Robert Bob.
Uh, Sire, the non-cat-toy-god cat thing
touched your toy!
How dare you?
Fie upon thee!
Right! I've had it!
You are big, and bad, and mean,
and you are a terrible cat-toy god!
Is everybody ready for a fight to the death?
♪
Don't worry, Gark. I won't hurt you.
Uh...
Oh!
A minute ago, I had all the cat toys in the universe...
and now I've only got Charles Anthony.
Your scary faces no longer hold power over me...
because I've told my mommy and daddy on you!
How dare you make my widdle boy cry,
you pestilent fleabag of pestilence?
Ha! I'm not scared.
You're not really a cat-toy god.
They all just think you are!
Max...
Okay, you're big!
That doesn't make you deities.
What? This is how you seal up a rip in space-time.
Get over it.
Mister Maximilian Fluffybottom the Third...
and... What's your name?
It's Gark, your bigness.
That's not a cat-toy name!
We'll call you Gark Anthony.
Right, you two! You made our cat-toy-god boy cry and caused
all the cats in the universe to chew up his toys and bury
their poops all over his planet,
so you must spend eternity in mortal combat
with the Hex-Splitter Beast of Tharl!
No! You can't blame Gark!
It was my fault.
I started acting selfish when I saw all the cat toys.
And, darling, isn't the Hex-Splitter Beast punishment
a teensy bit much?
But he made Peregrine cry!
All the same, kittykins...
there is a lot of intergalactic cat poop to clean up.
Very well.
You will fix all the busted cat toys
and clear up the poop instead!
Gark Anthony, you may go.
This punishment is for Maximilian alone.
I'll stay and help.
Many tentacles make light poop work.
Mortals...
This is going to take some time.
We're back... after many years.
Ack!
Eight minutes, actually.
Time moves differently in a parallel universe.
I guess cat toys make me selfish.
I'll never touch another as long as I live.
Shame, because, after three years of digging
in the cat poop, I found...
Charles Anthony!
Wah-hey!
Woohoo!
Ack!
Shall we?
Don't even think about it!